Episode 45 – On A Winning Streak

Yes, I’ve just been watching Winning Streak. Yes, it’s Saturday night. No, I really am only thirty four. Miss Marple loves it. It’s switched on immediately after she comes in from Mass. Imagine being ninety three (on Wednesday, not yet) and going out to get your pension on Friday and do your Credit Union business; Saturday evening going to Mass, every other night bar Sunday getting on a bus to go to Bingo till eleven at night. I couldn’t do it, not a hope. She was born four days after the signing of the Anglo-Irish Treaty: which one has made a better go of their eight and a bit decades?

I feel a bit lonely tonight. I’m with my family and I don’t feel like harming, I’ve eaten and I’m not stressing but there’s something missing. Listening to Christmas Lights by Coldplay probably isn’t the best plan on your first festive season with nobody to buy Lego or Jack Sparrow figurines for, or Batman socks. They were for Quarter Pounder, not a kid. Well…

Carol of the Bells is one of my favourites. I loved singing it in choir. I miss being in a choir. I’ve always been in and out of choirs. There is something to focus and free the mind in collective song: you have to concentrate because you don’t want to be the eejit who comes in early or the one holding the note when everyone else is smiling in relief to have made through a four part Kodály.

I think, for the most part – that sounds so much better en français: pour la plupart. I love the way the French have one word where we need three or four. Comme la petite mort. I also love that a phrase to describe a post-orgasmic state only really exists as a succinct entity in French and features a feminine noun. That wouldn’t happen in English: lie back and think of the homeland is the best we get – I completely forgot I was on another point, tangentalisifying. I was saying… I think that I’m making progress. I feel very stable, compared to previous weeks anyway. The SaltScrubs have been back for a few nights. I have zero clues as to why. I haven’t changed my meds, I’m not taking the sleeping pills I suspected might have been to blame (I’m not taking any: I’d suggest switching your email or Twitter or Facebook notifications off as there’s a strong chance you’ll be getting more four am updates). I’ve had a few NotSexySteamUps during stressful daylight moments. Like today, I obsessed over my Leinster Jersey for about forty minutes before I eventually found something else to “sort out”. Then twenty minutes later I remembered that I had been very cross about said jersey’s disappearing act and told myself to cop the fuck on. When I’m feeling really anxious about something that isn’t right I try to think upwards. Sr. Agnes used to tell us in choir at school and in singing lessons to go above the note in your head, sing up over the note. I’m trying to do that with the stress: to go above it: I try to visualise looking down at the world from the sky, maybe up there with the Gossamer Moon Goddess, looking down and seeing the buzzing masses of lives and suddenly my hoodie seems less significant than a Victoria’s Secret model’s intellect.

I brought up Victoria’s Secret for a reason. Andrew Hozier Byrne: I’m disgusted with you. Why, other than for cheap and easy publicity, would a man with a credible talent and obviously strong and intelligent views on society and culture, perform at a glorified soft porn pageant? He had pretty much broken America anyway, now he’s just broken our trust. I’m sure there are women around the world who are thinking “Ah, all talk, another Robin Thicke, just smarter”: dissing rape culture in his lyrics, getting the women hooked and then cashing in on the periphery of the ingrained societal degradation of women into tits and ass. Donald Clarke wrote a great piece on the show for today’s Irish Times and pointed out Hozier’s Twitter silence. Now he’s nothing to say.

They’re all the same, every single last one of them.

I will however point out that Caroline Flack’s Argentine Tango on Strictly tonight was as intense as it was classy. I really like her. She’s classy in her own nonconformist way but I think Pixie fits some sort of bill for the male judges: blonde, cute, beautiful, smiley, breezy and they have singled her out as a fait accompli for the old Glitter Ball. Caroline is just as good (no, I know nothing about dancing) but I sense their hearts have not been wilted by her maturity and understated self awareness whereas they have been by Pixie, the ingénue. But I could be wrong.

There’s probably irony in the contradiction that I would love a man to dance an Argentine Tango with me like he really meant it when the Argentine Tango developed between prostitutes and ganchos in seedy saloons and I’ve just been giving out about Hozier’s support of an industry giant that promotes women as body parts.

But don’t argue with me. I’m a feminist. And you know what we’re like.

DR 💋


  1. johnsibson · December 8, 2014

    Hi, I love your posts, you’re funny and clever! I would say that porn doesn’t really demean women, if they were forced to participate in it then it would be demeaning, but they choose it. If a woman owning her own sexuality is demeaning to other women then there is something wrong with feminism in general. I also have to say that Caroline is my fave to win, I adore Aljaz as he’s damn cute but Pasha is a dream to watch dance!

    Liked by 1 person

    • dottyrocker · December 8, 2014

      Thank you so much! That means alot.

      I guess I havent watched alot of porn, maybe I should?! I completely agree with you on women owning their own sexuality: it should be celebrated by other women, not judged or condemned. I guess I have an image of violent porn in my head or one of women being forced into sexual submissiveness: that troubles me. I also really have a problem with young women harming their health, be it physical or mental, in order to look like models (thinking Victoria’s Secret here) who are paid to work out and have teams of nutritionists and trainers to help them.

      I can’t believe Pixie went! Pasha is a sweetheart!


      • johnsibson · December 8, 2014

        This is where the whole argument breaks down. You don’t have to watch any porn at all to know that women can choose it if they want to. There is a huge difference in a woman choosing to be a porn actress because she likes sex and money and a woman/girl harming herself to look ‘better’. The argument shouldn’t focus on porn being demeaning but the social pressures that force women to behave in certain ways. This comes from women just as much as it does from men, after all you have Beyonce prancing around in her underwear and other like her doing the same in order to become successful, if women want to change societies attitudes then they must start with their own house!

        Pasha is an incredible choreographer you can see his passion for the art form in every dance he performs. I was really shocked Pixie went, I thought for sure Simon was a gonner!

        Liked by 1 person

      • dottyrocker · December 8, 2014

        I really like your point and I firmly believe that women’s attitude to other women; their dress, sexual activity, figures, career choices can be more harmful than that of men. I remember my mother once telling me that women dress for other women, meaning that really we often fall into the trap of competing with each other. Beyoncé is an interesting example: does she have to do everything half clothed? Then I ask myself: why shouldn’t she? I see this pressure among teenage girls as a teacher. They put more pressure on each other to “conform” than any boy does. And now that I think of it, if I had to stand in my knickers and bra in front of a stranger, I’d prefer to do it in front of a man than another woman, I’d be more nervous of her criticism!

        Thank you, you’ve given me interesting food for thought!

        I wonder did Pixie fall into Natalie (from last year) category – great dancer but got on people’s nerves?


      • johnsibson · December 8, 2014

        It’s funny coz I was thinking about this very same thing yesterday, strange hw things come together out of the blue.I feel sorry for those people who develop eating disorders and mental illness disorders due to their concerns about weight/looks/conforming (it happens to boys too). We’ve grown into a fickle society that devours people for entertainment. We have all got to grow up a lot for society to change, it’s easy to blame this or that for the problem,but that distracts us from finding a workable solution.

        In my eyes porn is more demeaning for men than women as it makes us into slobbering pervs that demand unnatural and unsatisfying painful sexual procedures in order to prove their manhood and masculinity. It also highlights the sever disparity in logic how a man can want a woman to do anal even though there is nothing within a woman that can giver her pleasure from it, yet those men can be vehemently against gay sex even though there is a pleasure organ in a mans anus! It frustrates me no end I can tell you!

        You’re right Natalie was annoying as hell last year (I had to google her to remind myself) my main problem with Pixie was that she went to a performing arts school for 6 years so she was always going to be a good dancer. And she was far too perky and smiley like she had been dancing her whole life (oh yeah, she has!)


      • dottyrocker · December 8, 2014

        I’ve started 3 replies and lost them all…


      • dottyrocker · December 8, 2014

        And they were intelligent replies too…


      • dottyrocker · December 8, 2014

        Agggggghhhhhhh! I need to sleep!


      • johnsibson · December 8, 2014

        hahaha that always happens to me too, my brain works far too fast for its own good sometimes lol

        Liked by 1 person

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