I’m thinking about a different titling system now that we’re into 2015.
To carry on from Episode 54 seems, I don’t know, defeatist or, like I’m resigned to the continuation of shite when I want to make a real break.
How about Episode 2.55? Or just 255? Or 2-55? 2015-55? Or 15-55? 15.55? I want to make it clear that I’m (trying desperately) to move on but that I’ve learned from what’s gone before (have I?).
I think I’ll go with 2-55, that way I’ll know I’m into year two of my online tell-the-world-how-fucked-up-you-are you attention seeking hussy but I’ll also remember the fifty four episodes plus numerous interludes that came before.
We ended up watching “The Help” tonight: the four generations. It’s better than I thought but why can’t big Hollywood movies really represent the grittiness of life? Especially in an era like the one represented. It all seemed a bit… too much vanilla caramel in the pie and not enough shit.
But still the collective, and individual, power of women wasn’t lost on me as I sat watching a movie about two groups of women who had galvanised themselves into subtle yet effective war machines battling each other from opposing sides of a racial, and political, divide. It made me and my grievances seem… small.
The four female generations of my family. I couldn’t even appreciate that tonight.
I feel like one of the zombie people on “The Walking Dead”: searching around for something familiar and comforting yet ready to inject ruin into it.
I need to snap the fuck out of this.
I really am trying.
I want to come good. I just don’t know how.
Not a word of happy new year from certain individuals I thought would at least feel inclined to wish me that.
Fuck it. Do I care? Not tonight.