This is not good. I’m just coming out of a panic attack. I’m finding it hard to type and breathe but I have to try focus on something. I tried calling Pieta and there’s no answer. Everyone’s in work. I don’t want to annoy them. I got ElsaDaughter to school and as soon as she got out of the car the tears came. I’m sweating. But shivering and shaking everything u stand up legs go and I have to go to the floor. I had a bad night of dreams and nightmares and sweats and I’m so tired. I just can’t can’t enough sleep. I’m trying to repeat “Everything is ok, it will pass”to myself. I can’t believe I’m back here and I don’t know why. I need someone but I don’t want anyone to see me like this. Dirty and weak and melting. Do I go to the doctor? Do I cop on and just get through it? Do I call someone? My Lady? First bus and fuss. My head is starting to throb. I want to be sick. The only thing that will focus me is to cut but I don’t want to be her, that girl. I want to be showered and dressed and in work and breathing.