Episode 2-91 – I Used To Scoff At Gratitude Lists 

Tonight, I’m trying to hard to be thankful for everything I have and not let obsessive worry take over and prevent me from sleeping. So I’m making a gratitude list. 


Bleugh. 

Yes, between this and the mindfulness I’m now officially a full-of-shit earth mother. Organic, vegan dinners of kale and quinoa on the menu next. 

I am thankful for (I’m not sure who I’m thanking: I don’t know if I believe in god; maybe the universe or my late Grandad or my mother?): 

  • A healthy child 
  • A strong relationship with my daughter 
  • A good school for my daughter
  • A daughter who knows her own mind and doesn’t seem to be too fucked up by her mother or being brought up by only one parent
  • A fridge full of fresh, healthy food 
  • Electricity 
  • A decent car 
  • A lovely, bright, cosy home 
  • A healthy, supportive family 
  • My Nana: not many thirty four year olds still have their grandmother scratching lotto tickets 
  • Having a whole other branch of the family in America who love us enough to spend whole summers with us and look after us like royalty 
  • My dogs (when they’re not indoor weeing)
  • Living in a safe, friendly and interesting neighbourhood 
  • My good education – literacy is a privilege – no, a right – denied to so many 
  • My friends: I hope they know I love them even though I go into hiding 
  • My fully functioning body and brain, so easily taken for granted
  • A good job waiting for me and years of professional experience behind me
  • Having the Aran jumper my Nana knit for my Grandad when I was little
  • Our warm, comfortable beds 
  • The tumble dryer my mother bought us
  • My daughter for not giving up on me 
  • The right to vote 
  • My godmother giving me my first book of poetry when I was fifteen 
  • Not being sent to a Magdalene Laundry when I got knocked up 
  • Being able to live my life free of oppression, persecution, violence, war or fear 
  • The era into which I was born 
  • My many varied life experiences which now make great stories
  • That I never started smoking, got drawn into drug culture or succumbed to alcoholism – all of which could have easily happened 
  • The Claddagh ring my parents bought me for Christmas 
  • My Leaving Cert English teacher
  • Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups 
  • Surviving a series of terrible relationships
  • My mother teaching me to read music
  • Having known great sex
  • Climbing out of a descent into an eating disorder 
  • My bra size measuring gift 
  • All that I learned about women while working in lingerie/retail
  • The Children’s Allowance
  • Running 
  • Sandymount Strand
  • My Speech & Drama teacher
  • Growing up by the sea 
  • All the places I’ve travelled
  • Living above a flower shop 
  • The colour of emerald green 
  • Never having had a serious illness
  • Having the opportunity to learn French 
  • The West Wing
  • Books 
  • Being part of the lives of all the young people I’ve had the honour of teaching
  • Hot dogs from New York street vendors
  • The people I’ve met (virtually and in reality) from this blog. It’s a brave community to be part of
  • That this time six weeks, we’ll have landed in DFW and my American Mom will have “our” room ready 
  • Not being expected to wear corsets
  • Knowing such gems as my great uncles, my great aunt and my grandad and all the special memories I have with them 
  • Getting preggers at eighteen: not the disaster I thought it was
  • My (sort of ex) stepdaughter who turns sixteen today. To have been allowed to be part of her life is a huge source of joy
  • Wrapping Christmas presents 
  • Tulips
  • Vaccines
  • The Archers
  • Being able to drive
  • FaceTime
  • Poetry 
  • Having all my own teeth 
  • My best friend of twenty two years
  • Being a godmother
  • Being in choirs that sang The Ships of Arcady
  • Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia
  • Pieta House
  • A newly sharpened pencil writing on the right hand side of the copy
  • Spotify
  • The smell of old books
  • Lie ins 
  • Herbert Park 
  • Being able to tell my story
  • Isa Nacewa re-signing for Leinster
  • Shakespeare
  • BBC Radio 4
  • The staff at Our Lady’s Hospital for Sick Children, Crumlin
  • All the women who fought for the liberty and equality I enjoy today
  • The men and women who give their lives to promoting political, social, economic, environmental, religious, health and sexual equality and justice worldwide
  • Edward Hopper’s paintings
  • Venlafaxine 
  • Chai Lattes
  • My mother’s homemade chips
  • Vibrators
  • Charity shops
  • Discovering the perks of being single
  • Feminism
  • Being able to donate blood
  • Flight mode on my phone
  • Sue Perkins
  • Museums
  • The Pill
  • Naps
  • SatNav
  • My cousin moving closer to home this summer
  • Long summer days with warm, bright evenings – all the windows open and Wimbledon on the telly
  • Hitting tennis balls off the old paint factory wall across the street down home
  • Good neighbours 
  • The smell of summer heat
  • Ticking off a To Do list
  • The buzz of teaching a class where the kids are engaged and debating with each other 
  • The Big Chill
  • Taking off my bra at night
  • Discovering a hair tie on my wrist when I really want to get my hair out of my face 
  • Dermalogica Dermal Clay Cleanser
  • Bubble wrap 
  • Electric showers 
  • The satisfaction of baking a cake and it doesn’t split or stick when you take it out of the tin 
  • Fake tan 
  • President Mary Robinson
  • My daughter nor I ever having broken a bone 
  • Eyelash tinting 
  • Not having the Catholic Church determining my life 
  • Back to school stationery 
  • Malcolm Tucker’s perfect expletive-laden insults in The Thick of It
  • Knowing the answer to a question on University Challenge
  • Not living under a monarchy
  • Brian O’ Driscoll 
  • All the wars that didn’t happen
  • Flip flops
  • The Headspace app
  • The beginning of the end of mental illness stigma 
  • Pinterest 
  • Nigel Owens 
  • My Nana’s prayers for us
  • Not getting many spiders in our apartment 
  • The work of mental health charities 
  • Air conditioning in Texas
  • Silence
  • Not killing myself after all

That’s a lot. Remind me to read this when I’m stressed and hopeless tomorrow… 

Good night, it’s a late one. 

Dot 💋



2 comments

  1. Zoe · May 5, 2015

    Sometimes it’s important to remember what we have to be thankful for. Really gives you a mood boost.

    Liked by 1 person

    • dottyrocker · May 5, 2015

      It’s tough to keep those things at the forefront though when the blackness veils them from sight.

      Like

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