I don’t know where this level of anger and self loathing has come from, again.
I can’t even find the words to describe just how much I want to get out of this body and mind.
I can’t cry because I’m too angry. I can’t scream because I don’t want to make a scene. I have nothing to hit. If I cut myself there will be drama and fuss and pressure to all and I want everyone to fuck off and leave me alone. I don’t want to be touched or spoken to, I just want it to be dark and quiet and if I tell anyone how I feel or ask for help there is no chance I will get that.
My head is on fire and I can’t bear to be in this grotesque body of fat and shame.
I have no answers, I’m not sure I even have questions.
I can’t keep fighting to be ok and pretend I care about this disgusting offensive body and life.
I wish I could just vaporise and be nothing.